Team Work

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I've heard that anesthesia can cause post-surgery blues. Evidently it's a problem when you cry for 3 days straight. I couldn't figure out what was going on.  But, as luck would have it, Doc Esther  wanted to see me and asked why I was feeling so sad.

• I was having some pain after the second surgery
• I was grieving with students over the loss of 2 babies
• I was not sleeping 
• Not eating
• Not moving
• Not meditating

She wondered if I was going to hurt myself.

"Hell No! That's the problem. I want to live!" I told her I was worried about the re-excision and hoped it worked this time. I wasn't going to find out until next week, they said it takes a week to 10 days for pathology results.  But Doc went to her computer and low and behold she found my report. She was silent for a few seconds, then declared, "The margins are negative. Everything is clear!" HAPPY DANCE! Doc said she was going to print the report and tie a red ribbon around it for me! 

She told me I need some down time for a few days. And not to go to any more funerals for awhile. She is getting things set up for radiation to start in a couple weeks. She gave me two big hugs and said she was sorry I had to go through all of this.

My surgeon called this evening as I was writing this post. She asked how I was doing. I told her about the blues and that I saw Doc Esther. I told her I heard about the clear margins and we both squealed with delight.  We talked about the pain and that I should slow down on exercising that arm for a couple days. 

I mentioned how disappointed I was that I was put to sleep way too early for this surgery. She said that one of the drugs they use to put patients to sleep causes amnesia. "So, you don't remember me standing beside you, holding your hand and talking before we put you to sleep?  I remember you said someone was sending Reiki love to you and the room." We both laughed and I told her how sweet that was of her.   She is an extraordinarily kind person. I am so blessed to have this team taking care of me.

Note to self: Give her a Can of Love at our appointment next week.
Hugs,
Christie

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Do-Over

My broken boob has been on the mend for 10 days now. Most of the pain is under my arm however I think all that will change tomorrow when I go back in for more surgery. When you reopen an excision it causes a bit more pain according to my surgeon.
The pathology report showed that the margins were not clear in the upper portion of the tumor so my surgeon will go back in to remove more stuffing. She said the other option would be a mastectomy but she recommended we try this first. I am confident in her ability to get the rest of it tomorrow. She said most breast centers go back for re-excision 50% of the time. At this hospital they go back 20% - 25% of the time so I know they have a better record for getting clear margins. Needing a re-excision doesn't change the survival rate either.
Doc Esther said I seemed to be taking the news well. I didn't think it was a big deal but she wanted to throw a brick through the monitor. I know she was disappointed that the chemotherapy didn't shrink the tumor very much. I guess I should be upset too and can't figure out why I'm not a raving lunatic at this point. Maybe I've been meditating too much. Maybe it's from the hundreds of people praying for me that brings me such peace. I have never felt as loved as I do now.

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